Swaying Fates
by Jaspered01
Summary: Jacob has only known pain and lonliness.What happens when he moves to Texas with his grandmother and meets a certain blonde badass thugish cowboy who has demons of his own and Edward, the nurse. Follow their story through their ever swaying fates.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hello everyone. Yes, I am back… well as back as I possibly can be. I will be going over this story with some changes and corrections. I do not have a beta so bare with me. For those who are just coming upon this, I really hope you enjoy.**

***And for those who have already read this I truly ****urge**** you to read it again because I did add some pretty heavy stuff and kind of changed the story a little.**

**Currently I am working on the new chapter and it should be up this weekend.**

**WARNING PLEASE READ****: People I am warning you before hand of the things said in this chapter. I AM SO SERIOUS ABOUT THIS. Living in the south I have sometimes had the unfortunate chance to have some of these things said to me and others. I do use harsh racial slurs and bashing in this story, especially in this chapter. Racial slurs and bashing is a nasty and vile language and just because I am African-American and have a brother who is gay does not mean I feel an entitlement that I can use the words lightly or freely. I take them very seriously and I hope if you're whatever race you do as well. I used these words intently for the story because they are reality and it gives the story a harsh understanding and it is going to help bring together the theme. If it helps, think of it as if you are reading the **_**Adventures of Huckleberry Finn**_**, **_**To Kill a Mocking Bird**_**, or even **_**The Color Purple**_**. My writing isn't even on the level of those great books and it will never be, but they do use harsh racial language and are able to get away with it because of the purpose, yet add a sense of reality to the book when it comes to understanding our world when it comes to racism. Forgive me if I offend whoever, but please take heed to my warning. **

** ~Jacob POV~**

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Damn! Does that blazing star ever go down? Oh thank god, the ocean! Goddamn never mind, another heat wave. Texas, I swear it literally is a burning inferno on earth.

Why did I choose to come here again? Because smart one, your family on the rez, basically abandoned you like a plague and your grandmother was the only one to take you in so you can finish your degree in engineering.

My family, God have I missed them or what's left of them that is. Now, I had no one left as the ones that were alive wanted nothing to do with me. My family had always been a little dysfunctional. Ma and dad were always fighting. Ma was never satisfied with her life, she said she grew up to soon and we, her children and drunken husband, were holding her back from the life she so longed for. She was a very flighty woman. I always had to hear about her escapades either from the towns' folk that I would overhear or from the kids in school.

In a small town, word got around easily and fast.

My father, he was always a sullen, reserved, calculated, and withdrawn person. A deadly combination if you ask me. All of those feelings would bubble up to the surface and he would snap. Though at times my mom would be on the receiving end of the blows, I was always the one who faired the most of them.

I was always a lonely person, wither it be by myself or in my pain and depression. I had no friends at all because most only found me interesting when it came to bullying me. The one and only person who truly was my friend and showed me love was my younger brother Seth. _God I miss him._

The day my mother left was a day I would never forget. I was fifteen and Seth was just turning eleven and we were celebrating his birthday. Well, he and I more like it. My father was on the couch, recovering from just giving me a busted lip because I had baked Seth a cake. "Are you a faggot or something?" he asked me and before I could give him an answer his fist connected with my lip.

Pulling the cake out of the oven, my mother come stumbling in; make up smeared, and her dress looking even shorter then when she left the house yesterday evening.

"Mama it's my birthday!" Seth boomed from the kitchen counter he was sitting on, with the biggest smile on his face. He always loved to see her come home no matter what state or appearance she was in.

"Yeah, whatever." She said as she flopped down on the couch, taking her huge heels off. I saw sheer sadness wash over Seth's face as he bowed his head.

" Seth buddy its ok she just isn't feeling good that's all." I knew he didn't believe me.

" Mama would you like some cake? It's kind of flat but it's good."

Glaring at me, "I don't want that shit."

" Well would you like for me to make you something to eat. I'll make you anything you want."

" No dammit!"

" Umm.. oo... ok if you need me to do anything just call me." I always tried to strive for something because of her, but I was never sure what it was exactly.

"Do you want me to run you a hot bath and get you some pain killers, you don't look well mama?" again I am striving for the unknown.

"Fucking no, I told you! Are you fucking retarded or something? What part on NO don't you understand?" I saw flames blazing out of her skin; so much hatred.

I need to fix this and quick. " I'm s.. ss..sorry ma I just was trying to help that's all."

Her words are cold as she speaks. Cold so very cold, unfeeling, words with no spark, cold eyes, words dry as sand, cold heart, vacant expressions, nothing is there anymore, heart of stone; she's a cold marble, she's a cold desert. "Well isn't that fucking dandy, aren't you a sweet little piss head. I don't fucking need any help. As a matter of fucking fact I don't need any of you. I'm leaving."

I sense nothing false in her words.

"For good." she state lastly turning her head towards my father who is too preoccupied with showing unconditional love to his bottle of JD. It's almost like he is purring at the bottle of contentment after swigging its amber liquid. Yes, he is purring.

"Ma please don't leave. I won't bug you again, I promise."

Seth and I need her here, if she left then our small family would slowly parish. My family on my fathers' side was no better than we were, in my opinion far worse. In the end, we had no real family. She couldn't leave.

I must have been consumed in my begging because next thing I knew she was gone and I could state with all certainty that she would never return.

The days, weeks, months, years that followed I took care of Seth, myself and my father. School got even worse with the taunting and bullying from the other students. Everything about me was awkward and shy, and extremely insecure. I tried to make friends and please people but it always backfired. I often had to bring my brother over to other family member's homes to get away from my dad or feed Seth, but they were never very welcoming. They actually started to tally up how much I owed them. I did the best I could to give Seth the necessities but my attempts weren't fruitful.

Even having two jobs didn't always make ends meet plus I was working my butt off at school so I could get ahead. I was always a pretty smart student with all of my classes being advanced placed. During my high school years I started working out to seem less weak and for the bullying to stop.

Seth began to slip into a deep depression and started to pull away from me and stayed out a lot more. Though a part of me knew that was so he could stay away from our father, whose drinking got worse along with his beatings. Seth this time was the fairer of those blows.

I finally completed my two years at a local community college and got a scholarship to any college of my choosing. I still had bills to pay though.

One day our grandmother, who adopted my mother came into contact with us. My mom was adopted as a teen and lived in Texas where her adoptive mother still lived. When my mother was eighteen she ran away to Washington where she met my father and found 'people like her' as she put it, since her adoptive mother was white and she was Indian.

I told our grandmother about everything that had happened in our life and the bouts of abuse my father still inflicted on us, even though I was 19 years old and had a little muscle but not overly so. I still didn't want to fight my father though.

Seth had taken a completely different route, I had tried to be there for him the best I could but it was never enough. There was no replacement for the real love of a real parent.

It was 2:00 a.m on a school night and Seth still hadn't come in. I never went to sleep as long as he wasn't home, so like any other night I waited for him. A knock on the door brought me out of my studying. Seth must have gotten drunk again and lost his house key. I open the door to see the sheriff with his hat in his hands, head hung. All I can remember from that night was screaming and identifying Seth's body. He had been driving drunk along with some other rez boys and lost control of the car, wrapping it around a tree. He had been thrown from the car. I cried, I cried for hours, weeks, months, and years while my father never seem to notice that he was one son less. The bottle was his true love.

Me, I dealt with my brothers' death by not acknowledging it at all. It was how I coped. I don't know if when I found out about Seth's death I had a nervous breakdown but I never wanted to experience something like that again. That is why I don't knowledge his death, which is how I handle it to keep myself together.

I still miss him with all my heart and I will always remember him, but everything else I cannot handle that.

I was 20 when I first met Paul. I was young, very lonely, vulnerable, unloved, and oh so very naive. He was 30 and I think he fed off of my insecurities. To summarize our relationship Paul was controlling, we never had sex because he wasn't comfortable with that part yet since he just discovered this side of him. He did make me give him hand jobs and blowjobs, though he said I was never good at them so he just resorted to screwing my mouth, and he never returned the gestures. We never even had a real kiss other than a peck on the cheek. So I was in a relationship that I gave and received nothing not even a hand job or blowjob or a kiss.

Did I mention he was a drunk too? Soon enough I realized I was dating a person like my father. _I was dating my own father._

The day I told my father I was seeing a man is the day he beat the hell out of me and kicked me out of the house, leaving me with a broken rib and a wonderful face that Mike Tyson would be proud of. With no home, the only place I had to go was to the person I loved second to Seth, Paul. I walked up to Paul's house, knocked but no one answered. The front door was opened so I walked in to find Paul between the legs of some blonde with, what looked like to be the fakest boobs I have ever seen. I turned my back.

I was no good for anyone. I was awkward, shy, reserved, lonely, unattractive, now homeless, skinny despite my working out and a 22 and a-half year old virgin.

Now I am here living with my mothers' adoptive mother. She agreed to take me in after I called her and told her absolutely everything. Bless her heart; she almost had a heart attack when she first saw my face. Her reaction to me telling her I was gay was a loving smile and a very tight hug. I thought it better to get it out in the open rather than her find out my lie or me having to live a lie. She also told me to be careful when it came to my sexuality, especially if I was going to live here in Texas. I told her I would but I wouldn't be hiding who I am. I really wouldn't have to worry about it anyway because I knew I wouldn't be making any friends or people wouldn't be getting to know me. So either way I faired out pretty well.

"Jake, suga, why don't cha come in n' get out that hot sun, relax, n' do some of ya studies. You've been working out here n' the barns since you got home from school this afternoon." Charlotte calls to me from outside the hay room.

Grad mama's ranch is nothing short of beautiful. My favorite part is the natural lake that is surrounded by layers of green oak trees and the beautiful hills engraved with nothing but rich greens and the Texas wild flowers blossoming with reds, yellows, blues, and purples. I love walking the trails along the ranch looking at the wild life, especially the wild horses she allows on the property. They just add to the majestic beauty of it all. The air smells heavily of bluebonnets that grew wild along the hills, and of horses and hay in the stables. Songs of mocking birds mimicked throughout the crystal blue sky and the hot sun avoided the cover of the clouds.

Dare I say this was home, a home, _my _home?

"Yes ma'am." I answer her back.

"Grandma you know you shouldn't be walking with your hip the way it is, especially in this long distance. And I'm guessing you didn't bring the cart because I didn't hear it pull up. Come on mama I'll carry you."

She laughs. "Sweet heart I'ma ole' lady, not a damn cripple."

"You know, you're one heck of a hell cat and I am well aware that you are not a cripple. You're a very independent woman. Now please let me carry you. The distance …." I trail off looking pleadingly at her. Puppy dogs always make her weak.

"Fine, damn you. Child you'er do'n a hell of a job on my pride." Chuckling, I lift her up in my arms and kiss her forehead.

"I love you to mama".

" Ya to suga. You know son you are cramp'n my style, you carrying me is keeping me from getting some fine young man."

The things that this woman says.

We make our way to the beautifully preserved white old farm house that is almost like a three story Victorian house. It has the old Texas theme to it with more modern renovations, but not enough so it can lose its deep history. Warm woods of cheery, and cedar furnishes the house within, live plants with long vines intertwine with the rest of the materials in the house, colors of reds of dark velvet, browns of all colors, badges, deep greens, sandy brown yellows cascade throughout the house. Huge windows brings light to the house with long deep ledges that you can sit comfortable on or even make a bed and sleep on.

Along with antique rocking chairs, framed old maps, well preserved rags lying along the entire floor, selves of first edition books go for miles along the walls of the house, ancient clocks grace the walls, and elegant chandeliers hang from the ceiling, and old framed paintings invite you to analyze them. Deep comfortable couches lay about with throw blankets making the couches look even more inviting. Old style Japanese water fountains are placed carefully in the home, tranquil water running down the medium sized rocks in a relaxing way.

The best part of the house, besides the HD widescreen TV that is installed into the wall, is the fish tank grandmama had designed for me after I won my contest for completely remodeling an old 38 Ford Pickup which my college sponsored and the money I won from there was going towards my college expenses. Grandmama let me build a nice sized shack/garage where I could fix up my cars and store all my materials by the lake I love so much.

Mama came from old money and often tries to make me quit the job I have at the local mechanics, but I can't take her money and plus I need the experience. I take pride in not taking from my well to do grandmother and making my own way. I have supported myself for this long so why stop now?

But the tropical fish tank blends with everything else in the living area and is next to the window ledge I often occupy when dawn breaks, when I wait to watch the wolves descend from the woods.

Everything about the house screams comfort, even though there may be priceless things in the home it doesn't make you afraid of moving about or even running. It's not a house at all it's a _home_ full of memories that you can see throughout this _home._

Finally nearing the house I see Jaspers' truck, a trickle of fear course throughout my body. Mama must have felt my emotions.

"Child don't ya go wor'n bout that boy. Now set me down please."

"Yes ma'am." I say putting her down gently. It's not like she is fragile or anything, she's one tough lady but I still worry about her hip.

_Jasper_, that ungodly beautiful handsome man with a gentle curly halo of blonde hair that is blessed by the sun and sky blue eyes that can darken with approaching storms and dimples as deep as oceans, doesn't exactly like me. As a matter of fact I'm pretty sure he hates me, ever since he caught me staring at him he figured out that I was gay and when he called me out on it, I didn't answer back. I was afraid he was going to hit me and that would upset mama.

From that day forward he either avoided me like a plague or made hurtful comments, especially when we were working out in the ranch with the other men or at college with his so-called friends. For as smart as he seems he can say some dumb things, like once he said. "Who knew a fag can look and act manly except for his occasional bitch'n to mama. That just goes ta show ya de'm cocksuckers can put on a good show, we real men gotta start watch'n our back."

What kind of comment is that? Yeah, I'll be honest I am glad I don't come off gay. It makes things so much easier, but that is one of the most ignorant comments I have ever heard.

I hear mama groan as we make our way up the steps.

"Mama why don't you retire for a nap and I'll make us some dinner in a bit."

"Thanks doll. I do reckon I need to lay my head down for a bit."

" Evening grandma." Jasper says as we make our way into the inside pouch to pull of our boots and into the living room where he is.

" Hiya Jay, how ya doing suga?"

"Good just came for a visit since I was round the way. S' ok I stay the night, get'n late n' all?

"I don't even know why you ask. You practically stay here. Why don't you just move in? Lord knows this house is big enough and it's closer to your campus anyhow."

"Nah you know how I am mama."

"Yeah I know you very well." she gave him a pointed look.

"Well if y'all excuse me, I'ma be tak'n that nap. I need my beauty rest so I can stay this sexy." Jasper and I just laugh at her.

He hasn't acknowledged me yet. He never does. I don't know why I have this immense feeling of wanting his attention, for him to look at me or just even glance or to feel comfortable around me.

"Um... … hi Jasper." I greet him trying to be polite. Only for him to roll his eyes, scoffs, and mutters under his breath. "Queer ass."

Slightly hurt hanging my head I go to clean up and start dinner. After that is done I head to the kitchen passing Jasper in the den working on homework.

Good almighty Lord is he fine as hell. His tight hugging black tee show casing his much defined muscles, his feet on the table showing off his long legs, _a work of perfected art_, I think to myself as a go to make dinner.

I finish dinner leaving mamas' in the microwave and bringing Jasper's and mine plates into the den.

Stretching out his plate to him, "Um I thought you might want dinner so I uhh made you a plate. I .. III.. d..ddd..in't think you would want to get up."

He looks at me. "You made this?"

"Yea... yes."

He pushes the plate away from him.

"In that case I don't want to eat any shit you have made. It might be diseased."

I didn't even know how to react. Dammit I feel the tears.

"Umm... o...oo..ok I can order you a pizza or something if you like."

"No, I don't want shit from a fucker how touches other dudes asses." he sneers.

Ugh the tears are falling. I nod, set his plate on the table and sit down on the other couch.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jasper starts on me again.

" I … uh... I'm sitting down?"

"I don't want your fucking ugly gay ass in the same room as me. Go some fucking elsewhere."

I turned to leave but Jaspers voice continued.

"You are a fuckn' sin, you know that. That is why people like you have things happen to them and y'all deserve every fucking ounce of it. I think Hitler had a brilliant idea in throwing the Jews and the fags away for good. Ya'll are what is fucking wrong with this world, your kind of people and those fucking nasty black ass negers',"

"I know one damn thing. God was doing something right in blessing Hitler and later my southern forefathers in enslavin' you fucking savages,"

"I want you to know," he said looking me start in the eyes "I _hate_ everything about you coloreds and big nosed saggaboos." He harshly sneered, I could see his eyes narrowing even more and becoming darker in color.

"Ya'll very present on this earth just brings use to hell right along with you ignorant fools. Those fuckin' colored bluegum bastards and _chugs_ infesting our government and appointing that black ape into the white house."

"Now you damn red nosed cunts think _we_ owe you something because ya'll were ta ignorant ta hold onto what you had? I wish my ancestors would have just killed all ya'll off. I swear I hate everything about your people and most importantly you."

"If my Grandmamma didn't love your faggot ass so much, I would've hung you on a fucking noose myself a long time ago just like my grandfather would've. Get the fuck out of my sight." He spit a ball of saliva my way.

I can't help the tears that are falling. I was absolutely speechless. Jasper has always said remarks to me but none so vile. I was so blind to not see the hate and disgust he had in his heart. I saw someone so lost and dark I don't think anyone would be able to bring him back from it. Jasper saying those things was what he really felt; I could literally see it and feel it rumbling off of him.

Hearing such ugliest made me wonder where it all came from. He wasn't born that way, born automatically hating people. Grandmamma wasn't like that at all. From what little she told me of her now dead husband he was a person who despised others different from him and that he was a member of the KKK. That is the only information she ever gives about him and that he help ruin the son they had together live.

I knew she was an ole' timer and came from didn't times, she even confessed to me that she subjected and fell into such ignorance when she was younger, but told me the hate she had towards other turned to hate she had for herself, and one day she told herself she wasn't going to her grave with such a dark heart and ignorant mind.

To one day stand before God and to be asked why she harmed his children; her own brothers and sisters. I mean, clearly Grandma was not like that then she wouldn't have adopted a Native American daughter.

I just...I just…didn't _understand_ him.

"I'm sorry. I'll go." I whisper out.

I didn't feel like eating. Throwing my food away I made my way upstairs to my room. I fall asleep with my door open just in case mama calls for me.

My dreams are filled with Seth and I, when we would sneak out at night and swim in the tides of First Beach and after we tire of swimming we lay out across the black sandy beach listening to the howling wolves. It was almost like they were calling us home. Theses nights are where I developed my fascination for wolves and the Quileute Legends.

Quickly though, like always my dreams shift into nightmares. I dream that I am watching Seth's death from the side lines. I see the demons coming for him, but they aren't just any demons, they are vicious werewolves, waiting to take Seth body away. I scream for Seth to pay attention to the road. But my screams are over shadowed by the howling laughs of the demon wolves, they sound like hyenas when they bark their laughter. They drag his body away with me running after them in their wake. Then I hear bone crushing screams and something ripping apart.

I bolt upright from my dream. Focusing my eyes, I could have sworn I saw a bleary vision of something sandy blonde move from in the door way. Damn, I must be seeing things. I hope I wasn't screaming in my sleep again. The first night I stayed here and had one of my many nightmares, mama came busting into the bedroom with a shot gun in her hands because she thought someone was killing me from the horrid screams I was making. I mean Jesus her room is all the way downstairs for crying out loud. Am I really that loud?

After the first few weeks of hearing my screams and her coming in the check on me I told her not to bother, it was no use. She reluctantly agreed. The rest of the night I didn't go back to bed until 1:00 so I did homework and thought about Jaspers words. I've never been one to be ashamed about my race, but the weight of Jasper's words was starting to heavily drown me.

Maybe he was right, maybe who I am and what I am was a sin. Maybe I am nothing but trash.

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_**Hope y'all enjoyed it. Would love feed back in reviews !**_

_**- Jaspered01**_


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hope ya'll are enjoying the story. I know chapter one was pretty heavy. And umm… this is no better, lol.**

**I have no beta so bare with me.**

**~ JB~**

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I awake to the lovely smell of bacon and my very, very favorite strawberry and banana pancakes. Oh Lord, I could kiss that woman's feet!

I take my time to shower in my cool stream clear glass shower; though I love my steam shower it is nothing like my extra deep, long and huge claw tub that sits right in the middle of my bathroom. I love my bathroom, and the very maculate look and feel of it, because I know how hard it is for guys to pull off masculine looking bathrooms. Quickly dressing in some faded jeans, blue t-shirt - that mama tells me looks nice against my medium dark russet skin and brings out my light brown eyes - and some Nike running shoes. I leave my raven hair that is gone way past my shoulders hanging which I rarely do since it's so long and can be hard to handle, I really need to cut it.

Making my way into the kitchen I spot mama and Jasper, I quickly avert my eyes from Jasper. I can't help but feel sorry for him.

"Morning mama ….. um Ja..a.. Jasper." I say pecking her on her lips.

" Mor'n suga ooooh don't you look sexy wearn' ya hair down like that and I'm lik'n the blue. You should wear it down more often this is only my second time seeing it down. You look like the creamy dark caramel that I put on my Better Than Sex Cake."

I blush and turn around to see Jaspers staring intently at me. He looks like um …. I don't really know the look he is giving me. All of a sudden his roles his eyes and says.

" Phts. Don't lie to him. He needs to cut that fruity ass looking mess. Oh and Gran you really should go wash that kiss off your lips. You don't know where those lips have been." Jasper states harshly. Sometimes the way he speaks of me, it's like he doesn't consider me a human being. I feel so small. I need to get out of here.

" Umm.. mm mama I'm going to head to school." All of a sudden mama yanks my arm.

"Like hell you are. Sit and eat because I know they are your favorites." She finishes and I do what she says.

Mama starts on the other side of the island yanking Jasper off the high stool and pushing him to his knees so she is towering over him which is a hard thing to do since he is almost chin level with her even kneeling. She slaps him across the face. It's sharp; I can hear the echo throughout the kitchen.

Jasper's head sways to the side and he leaves it in the position she slaps him in. Some of his curls loosen from the short ponytail it was in and fans across his eyes. I can see his nose flare out and his cheek reddening.

" Look it here you little smart ass if you dare speak to him in that manner again or anyone else for that matter while you are under my roof with disrespect I will go into your grandfathers closet, find that leather belt you knew so well and beat you until your ignorant ass is black and blue,"

"I love you; I love you more than anything but I will not tolerate this. You will cease to treat'n him like you do. He has been nothing but nice to your mean bigoted ass. Oh and I saw that little fuck'n stunt you pulled last night. What the hell is wrong with you? Telling bout' people like that in such a manner. You may have learned that ignorant shit from your father, grandfather and other people but I be damned if you gon' bring them demons back into my house. I got rid of the demon ignorance long time ago. Starting with divorcing your grandfather and I don't plan on going back. You are 27 years old, child, grow the hell up. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes mama."

Her voice was softer as she said, "Jay, sweetheart, I know very well you didn't have it easy but that is not excuse. You gotta stop all this hate, its gon' kill you just like it did your grandfather." She ended almost pleading with him. I understood her fear of what she was saying for it ran extremely deep for her. The life she had before her change really affected her even after years fixing her life it still greatly impacted they way she was. She was scared Jasper would end up like her late husband or even his father that I wasn't sure if he was still alive or not.

With that she placed a loving kiss on his forehead and told him to finish eating.

I kept my eyes on my plate, finished and headed to campus without another word to anybody.

Even though Jasper was mean to me I saw the unlined beauty and pure goodness in him. It just had been covered in years of hardship and pain. Behind his stoic facade was a man looking for peace. Deep inside he was a good man.

Mama told me some about Jasper's history but I could tell she was holding back a great deal, some of what she told me was hard to believe, but her facts where backed up with late night conversations I heard them having and the look of his eyes would show something deeply troubled. I could tell he loved deep especially when it came to mama. His actions towards her screamed that he would happily die for her; do anything for her. Like she was the one and only rock he had. I understood him completely. I would do the same. She in a sense had saved both of us and in a way was still doing it. Leading us both to something, something unknown; only she knew what it was. She was a cryptic little trouble maker.

I saw beauty in Jasper and god was he beautiful. He has the whole bad boy/cow boy thing going on, extra thick accent, really and truly rough around the edges and true to form he had lived the tough life. Mama had told me he used to be a part of vicious and deadly gang when he lived in Dallas. I had seen the tattoos to prove this, though he would try hard to cover it up. What made me lust after him even more was his body. I loved his tattoos, he had just the right amount in the right places and you could tell not one of them was meaningless.

And that ass! Oh lord, I could crack a walnut with that ass. His body was like Brad Pitt's in Troy the Achilles warrior; a true Greek god. His pulp full lips where just calling for someone to kiss them especially that bottom lip that was the fullest, I just wanted to lick it. But that's not even the best part of his body. One night I was heading to the bathroom in the hall way since mines was under renovations I accidentally walked in on Jasper getting out of the shower, all I have to say is his Mandingo is like the real Lochness monster. Even when limp it was a good nine inches and half inches, long, pleasantly extra thick, beautiful veins, and a delicious pink head. Damn how could anyone take that monster! I am very, _very _positive he had room for growth.

Dear lord, I can feel the pre-cum leaking through my boxers. I would lop that cock down like my life depended on it. His body was meant to be gently caressed and worshiped and if given the chance I would do just that.

I hope I'm going to be a virgin all my life.

After my second class I make my way to the benches that are kind of isolated from the rest of campus. I decide to sit there until I have to go to my third class. Pulling out _Interview with the Vampire_ I begin to read when my book is slapped out of my hand. Looking up though my glasses I see the bear looking group of wannabe badasses. I know who they are. They have been a pain in my butt every since they found out I was gay from Jasper. This is his clique. I know the truth though; they are not his true friends. They fear him too much to be on any other side, than his.

He is popular with the women, in good with the administration, he is wealthy, he draws attention with his looks, he is, and I believe a former or still active gang member. He isn't studying law and minoring in chemistry for no reason.

They knew his history as much as I did. No one fucks with Jasper Hale Whitlock unless you are begging to be put out of your misery. They talk a lot of shit about him but never to his face. I remember one time he found out that one of the members in his group of so-called friends where going to get a group of other guys to help him beat up Jasper for some reason I am not sure of. Jasper found out on the same day the other two guys showed up. Jasper was walking up and in a swift movement grabbed a tree trunk that was lying on the ground and swung, it hitting his ex-member of his group in the head. As the others proceeded on him his so called friends where coming to his aid to help him but he told them to hold back.

He stood at his full height of 6'3, dropped the tree trunk, and looked the other two guys in the face and said " Both of ya gon' meet yo mutha fuck'n maka."

All I remember is all three guys lying on the ground looking close to death. Jasper just walked away like nothing happened. When the police arrived on campus I saw them trying to get questions out of people and heard people say they didn't see what happened or shrugged their shoulders playing dumb.

People feared Jasper; the school didn't even question him, only because they loved his money. I knew he was very well aware that his friends where his enemies. He was a smart man.

Did I not fear him enough? Is that why he let his friends hit me around a couple of time; leaving me with black eyes and bruises? Is that why he said hurtful and threatening things to me when he would catch me away from Mama? I should have known I would get knocked around today by his group of ugly bears because of what happened this morning with Mama, great.

" Watz up cocksucking fag stick. Jasper informed us of your little stunt this morning. We warn you, you better watch your fucking back. Accidents happen' everyday." And with that, the big silver back gorilla slapped me across the face knocking my glasses off of my face.

"Now that is how you slap a bitch." He said as they stormed off, high fiving his friends. Thank God spring break was here at last. I had almost a month off because of other stuff going on they wanted the students off campus. College is just like high school expect for bigger and more grown up kids. UGH... I can't find my glasses. Now when I get hit or something I don't even care anymore, I have no feelings towards it because I am so used to it.

"Oh thank God." I breathe out when I find them. Putting them on I look up to see Jasper's back walking away from me. He must have witnessed the scene. Tears run down my face because I am so tired of being mistreated just because of who I am. I am not ashamed or at least I don't think I am. I cry because I am lonely. The only person that talks and comforts me without feeling obligated is Mama.

The only time Jasper showed me any kind of kindness is when he stopped one of his buffoons from beating the heck out of me, more than he was about to, because the guy confronted me about me checking him out in gym class which I think Jasper knew wasn't true as I don't even have gym. I have fitness training and Jasper has seen me working out in the workout room.

I gather myself up and finish my classes for the day. It's Friday and now I can start my month's worth of vacation. I can relax in the beautiful Victorian/ Ranch house that is truly home to me and spend more time watching the wolves that I haven't been able to watch in such a long time.

Walking through the corridor of the house I spot some luggage I call out for Mama who yells she is in her room.

"Mama what's up with luggage?" I ask, arriving in her room.

"Well I'm gonna go with some friends to Mississippi to have a little fun in Gulfport. A little gambling, dancing, swimming, drinking and hopefully I'll live up to my statues as GILTF. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but it was a last minute decision and plus you're out for spring break so let loose some while I'm gone."

"No worries, I just plan on relaxing and working on that truck of yours. Plus I can work more on taking care the ranch and the animals."

"Oh honey you don't have to worry too much about the ranch I got the hands on deck. So that is all handled, trust me the boys where happy to get some work. They know you will be here so keep order for me. Just in case you need me the information is on the board in the kitchen. And I left you some spending cash, don't look at me like that, shut up and accept it. I'm gonna be gone for a month the same amount of time you're out."

"Ok, well um mama what is GILTF?"

"Grandmother I'd like to fuck." She says like it's obvious. I quickly change the subject.

"What time you have to leave?"

"Oh… right now." She says as the taxi hunks the horn.

"Ok I'll help you with your luggage"

After gathering her things and helping her in the taxi I tell her I love her, to have a safe flight and call me when she makes it there.

Hum… all alone. What should I do now? I go to check with the person overseeing the ranch to see if everything is in order then I decide I should go out into the city to explore a little. Maybe …meet someone.

Dressing nicely and pulling my hair back I make my way to my 1950 Chevy truck that I remodeled and heading off into the city lights. After my 1 hour drive I spot a decent bar and say what the hell. Pulling into the parking lot I step into the dimly lit bar.

Sitting at the bar I order water. I spot a tall very dirty blonde hair with forest dark grey eyes sitting one seat away from me. He looks very familiar but I can't place it but damn is he good looking not as beautiful as Jasper but still nice to look he then catches my stares. I look away from him scared of what might happen.

"Loner tonight?" I look over to my side to see him sitting next to me. I didn't even see him move.

" Umm ye…yea."

" Kinda shy aren't you?

I blush in embarrassment because its true and I don't know how to act. I've never had someone flirt with me. Or I think he is hitting on me.

"Meet me in the back on the building in three minutes." He says as he slips from the chair.

I am completely dumbfounded by the turn of events. First I have NEVER EVER had someone hit on me except Paul and I am scared to death that he wants us to do something sexually. Yes, I am EXTREMLY horny but I don't know about this, maybe I should just go because this is too good to be true and I do kind of want to experience stuff. So I decide the latter and make by way out the bar and to the back of the building. I can just ask him if we can take it slow and maybe go somewhere quiet and nice like a coffee shop.

Rounding the corner I am pushed up against the wall in one swift movement.

"Well, well, well looks like we got us a little fairy James." The guy from the bar says as he holds me against to wall. Oh my God they are going to kill me. I knew it was a trap but I gave into my desires because I was excited that someone wanted me. That they wanted to kiss and touch me, I guess I was very wrong.

"I caught the fucking fag looking me up and down so I thought I would play a game so we could have a little fun."

I try to pull from his grip and run, I manage to punch him in the face making my break for it. But the other guy James intervenes dropping me like a leaf. I put up one hell of a fight until I am too tired to fight anymore.

I think of Seth over their insults, I think of my real mom and her soft smiles she used to have, I think of mama and everything I love about her, I pray to God to forgive me for my sins, and lastly I think of Jasper and his beautiful face.

I stop moving and slow down my breathing so they would think I am dead. I feel them spiting on me and their warm pee spraying across my face and the rest of my body. They stop.

" Fuck man lets get out of here. I think you killed him."

"Serves him fucking right. One less ass fucker on this earth we have to deal with."

I hear their retreating feet. I feel the darkness trying to over take me but I fight it so I can try to get home, but I can't move because everything is aching.

"Fuck dude are you ok?" someone ask me. I can only groan in response.

"Dude do you want the ambulance or something whoever did this got you real good."

" No…no.. c..c..ccould you h…hel.. help me to my tuck."

"Look man I don't that is such a good idea."

"Please…. Please… I'll be fine. I don't live far from here." I beg

"Alright man."

"Thank you so much. Um could you give me your name please?" As he lifts me up and helps me to my truck he tells me his name and to be safe. Emmett McCarthy. I have to remember that.

The whole ride home I can feel myself nodding off. Maybe this was a very bad idea. My body by this time is burning and I smell terribly of piss. Twice I pulled over so I could center myself and focus so I could get home. Maybe I should call Jasper to come help me. Ha ha that is rich Jacob, real rich.

Finally! Thank you Jesus. I make it through the gate driving up the long dirt road. I'm slipping I can feel it; I can't hold on any longer.

Groaning I drag myself out of my truck, yes drag because my limbs are going weak and I can barely walk. I unlock the door to the house falling inside the house as I do so. I can't help but whimper in pain as I drag my way trying to get to the living room so I can pass out. I can't scream because my jaw hurts too badly.

"Why the fuck are you whimpering? Did someone finally fuck your nasty ass too hard? It serves you ri ….." I didn't even see Jasper sitting on the couch watching TV, my vision is too blurry. He says this with his back to me until he looks back and stops talking, looking like he just seen a ghost.

"What the fuck! Jacob are you alright, wha… wha… happened. Jake? Jacob!"

I tried to answer him but I was too weak and my jaw was in immense pain. So I did the only thing I could at this point was to sub come to the dark mist that was clouding my eye. I was worn out and to broken so I let myself go into a deep sleep and if you asked me, too deep of a sleep in my opinion. I don't think I am ever waking up and my God I never did awake. I saw Seth and he gave me his hand and welcomed me home. _Home._

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Was it good? Who loves the character Mama? I know I do, that woman got a damn mouth on her!

_**Let me know with some feed back in reviews.**_

_**-Jaspered01**_


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: I am so happy to see many returning to read and re-read this story. I know this can be hard and uncomfortable to read as some of you have expressed in personal messages to me. I will always give warning to any material I feel that will be tough or offensive for some to read. If you happen to feel uncomfortable or angry about what is or might take place I still urge you to read for the simple fact that NO ONE should hide and pretend such acts and language does not exists. Try to challenge yourself. With that said if you feel it's just too much for you then do decline so I will not be receiving any nasty messages or flames. I am not going to lie and say they don't piss me the hell off and if I am honest I will respond back in kind. I sincerely appreciate everyone's understanding and for continuing to read the story. **

**This is not beta-ed. Any mistakes are my own.**

**WARNING: Offensive content, take heed.**

**~JB~**

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"_Am I home?" I asked Seth as I look around at what I could only call breathtaking, nothing but peaceful satisfaction. _

"_No brother, you are not home. You're not going to be with me for a very long time."_

" _But .. wh.. what, I don't understand. Why am I here then if I can't be with you? Am I going somewhere else?" my voice shakes as I come to the realization that I might be going to a very different place then Seth; the Inferno._

_He smiles at me and laughs. I almost cry at the sheer beauty of him._

"_No Jake you are not going where you're thinking nor are you staying here, it isn't your time. Not yet. I've come to you to give you a message and to tell you to fight because this isn't your path right now. Jake, I have been watching you since my death and I have been protecting you as you tried your best to do for me when I was alive and I thank you for that. But I can no longer pave your path just like you couldn't do for me, even though you tried. Jake, you're a strong, pure, and a loving person. Keep your faith strong, not just in general or just for yourself but for someone else too. It's not going to be easy but you have to try,"_

"_It's time to receive your gifts because you deserve it and have been through so much. Accept your gifts, and hold on to it with all you strength. The gifts might be gilded and cause you to want to regret it or destroy it but in the long run it will be very worth it."_

"_Don't let someone's own hate for themselves cloud your judgment for them and most importantly judgment of yourself."_

"_Jake, what you are is not a sin. I know deep down you have been battling with that. Your only sin is your swaying faith and following your demons. HE hasn't brought you this far if he didn't love you. Nothing is ever simple but you have to make the most of it. Love. Guide. Believe. Cherish. Forgive. Never forget. Be gratefulness. Pray."_

"_Remember those things and remember me Jake, please. I know I put you through a lot and said terrible things to you when I was alive; I want you to know I am so sorry for that. I know it hurts you to remember me, but please brother do think of me because I always think of you. Think of me to remember me, to remember the tight bond we had. I will always cherish it and you."_

_Seth stepped closer to me. One look in his eyes and we embraced each other tightly. I dug me nails in his back and hurt him and to cling to him._

"_I love you and I will be waiting for you when the time comes but not right now. Your place isn't here yet. Now wake up, fight it."_

_I felt my body trying to wrap around him as I shook my head back and forth, telling him no._

" _Bu.. but I want to stay with you. Forever here with you, please don't make me go. I've been so lonely without you, you are all I had. I … I .. miss you PLEASE !" I latched on to him with all my might. I don't want to let him go. I need him. He's my brother; my place is here with him._

"_Shh… don't cry. I know you want to stay with me and trust me I fought hard nails to have you here with me but HE said if I really love you I would let you go with a message of faith , strength, and reassurance. And I have and I _will _let you go so you can live your life. I'm going to have a place here for you, for the _both _of you."_

_I cry harder. I was going to ask him what he meant by the both of you but right now that wasn't important. "Please Seth; please tell him I don't want to go back. I'd rather be here with you. Please…don't'…don't do this, Seth. I need you. I don't want to be without you."_

"_Jacob_ _when you want to see me look towards the moon on the hill top behind the land you love so much and listen for my call. You'll know my howl. Now fight it and wake up."_

_I start sobbing into his chest._

"_Jake...I…I don't want to let you go either. But I must, it's my punishment to watch you from afar for leaving you there alone when I should have been home and helping you when you needed me the most. I may live in paradise but that does not stop the fact that I was a sinner and I am paying for it as I should be."_

_I tried to nod in understanding._

"_I love you so much Seth, I miss you brother."_

"_As I do you."_

_Hugging me even tighter, Seth laid a kiss upon my forehead, cupping my face and making me part my lips, and he breathed air, _life _back into me. _

I'm dreaming again. I am still with Seth setting in the green pastures but as I look out toward the horizon I see a tall man with beautiful healthy glowing skin, I swear he is an angel with a halo of thick beauty kissed locks, and eyes of swirling oceans walking towards us. When he finally reaches us he bends down and takes my hand in his. He doesn't speak a word as he drags me away from Seth. I am about to protest against him but he turns me around to look me in the eyes and gives me a stern look that says I am going wither or not I like it. I belong to him as he belongs to me. We are each other's home.

I realize that he is right, tears start to go down my face because I have to leave Seth in order to be with him, he seems to understand my dilemma as he envelops me into a gripping hug, he smells of soft linen, a spicy musk, and a hint of earthy magnolias; very manly. Looking over his shoulder as he hugs me I see Seth through my bleary vision. Then I notice a figure coming behind Seth with its eyes trained on me and right now his eyes are the only thing I can make out. And the color of them …. what enigmas. I will my eyes away from the stranger and look towards Seth.

Seth mouths to me one word, "Go." And I do.

_Beep … Beep … Beep … _What the hell is that sound?

My eyes try to flutter open but they are so heavy, heavy from a deep sleep. I finally manage to open them; I have to blink a few times in order to focus them. I realize that I am in the hospital with a breathing mask on my face. How in the hell did that happen?

Lifting my arm but with much effort I pull the offending item off of my face as I try to sit up but failing miserably because of the amount of pain I am in.

A big ass hockey puck of a pain pill is in order please.

Looking around I can see that the room is empty; well that is nothing new for me.

How did I end up here in the first place? I remember getting my butt handed to me. How could I be so naïve and desperate, I try sitting up again.

"Holy macaroni, owwww..!" The pain!

"Hey easy there you don't need ta be mov'n."

Sweet juicy apples that voice was very familiar and smooth as red velvet cake, turning I can't believe my eyes, it's Jasper. Seth you said it wasn't my time to be with you but you send in this walking heart attack, I think you're playing with me, brother.

Jasper's eyes connect with mine as he makes his way over to me from the door. I am frightened by what I see, I've seen that look before; its hate, he moves even closer and I flinch away making a loud whimpering sound that I didn't mean to.

He has never liked me, has always done mean things. The only reason he would come here is to inflict more hurt.

Cowering away I pull the sheets up to my chin, I don't know what else to do. I'm supposed to be a man, yet I feel so weak and fragile like a child; completely and utterly inadequate.

"Please, don't. I won't say anything. I'll leave, just like your friends said." I plead to him. Everything is starting to hurt even more; my chest is so sore I can barley inhale or exhale.

Finally I focus on Jasper who has his hands in the air in surrender position taking a step back. Once again he looks like he has seen a ghost.

"Whatever man, stop being a fuckn' pussy. You might not remember but I called 911 cause you was in bad break'n. Ya stop breath'n n' everythin' started convulsing n' shit …."

"Oh, " Is all I can say.

" Um.. th.. thank y-you um for saving me and all. I um sorry I put you through that." He relaxes a little as I speak taking a chair sitting down.

"The doc should be in I reckon due time." He huffs out.

I just nod my head unsure what to say. For the longest time there is an awkward pause. I look at Jasper who looks as if he is dead on his feet.

"How… how long have I been out?" I can't believe how much I am sweating.

"Two fuckn' days." He answers dryly. I am kind of wishing he would just go now. I am not asking him to be here.

" Oh .. wow. You… y-you can um go home if .. if ..um you don't have to be here. I'm fine by myself.'

In that moment I saw anger cross his face. Oh jeez.

" Yea …" He begins but is interrupted by the doctor walking in. and my is he a sight to see. Tall, strong features, bright grey eyes, light brunette hair, around 30, just fine as heck!

"Why hello, it's finally nice to see you up. You gave us quite a scare there." Heaven almighty that smile.

"I'm Doctor Garrett Cullen." He extends his hands and I take it in my good hand. I feel warmth envelop me. I have never felt that before.

"Hey um Jacob but I uhh usually go by Jake. Yeah Jake so I um guess you can call me Jake. Well if you like. But you don't have to if you have to be formal. Um yeah …" What the hell am I saying!

This is so embarrassing.

"Quite the charmer aren't you, Jake," he says with a knowing smirk. Kill me now!

In the back ground I hear Jasper scoff. I look at him to see what's wrong. Boy if looks can kill. I don't understand why he is so red.

I think Doctor Cullen caught on to it too and frowns at Jasper, then turns back to me with a warm smile on his face.

"Well, lets' start about what happened after you came into the ER." He goes into how I flat lined for no known reason and the bruises I had and how I will need around the clock care because I won't be able to use my limbs to much. He then told me I didn't wake up for two days, also for unknown reason. But his theory was that I was just in a place where I needed to be centered and return when I was ready. Good Lord was he right.

"Jake, I can see that you are a fit person and yet you took quite the beating, you also have defensive wounds on your hands. Would y …"

"Fags can't fight doc." Jasper interrupts the doctor who looks at me in … pity? I can't help the tears that start to form. Am I that weak? Why does he hate me so when I think so highly of him? Even with the things said to me days ago, all I ever wanted was to get to know Jasper and be his friend. I don't understand why he says such hurtful things to me and especially about people he doesn't even know, slurring venoms words towards them because the color of their skin. And justifying the enslavement of many and the Holocaust- I just don't so flummoxed about all of this.

"Excuse me, Mr. Whitlock is it? What he is has no concern over the retreatment he has received nor does it mean that he wasn't able to defend himself. His defensive wounds speak for this."

Jasper says nothing and the doctor turns his head back to me.

"Jake would you like to tell me what happened?" I feel so comfortable with him and at ease so I tell him.

"Well, I was attacked by two guys at a bar. The first one I met at the bar and he asked me to meet him outside. I jumped at the chance because I couldn't believe he was interested in someone like me. I wasn't going to do anything with him and I was going to tell him that I just… I don't now… it's all so new and …"

"It's ok Jake, I understand." He smiles at me with his beautiful almost golden eyes.

All of a sudden I hear Jasper chuckles as he says " Serves you fucking right, they should have beat your ass straight. All fags need a good sound beating. They disgust me. I don't even know how they managed to touch your diseased ass."

I'm short of breath. I turn to look at Garrett who is shaking in anger.

"Mr. Whitlock, if you continue like this I will have to ask you to leave. I want you to remember that 'we' fagots are more involved in your life then you think. This _fag," _the doctor says pointing to himself.

"Are the same hands that touched you to calm you down from your panic attack. _This _fag is also the one laying his hands on you for the past two days giving you reassurance that Jake here would make it. Mr. Whitlock, think before you speak. Now leave. "Garrett finishes in a stern voice. What? Something just dawned on me. Jasper had a panic attack? But why?

Jasper leaves hesitantly it seems.

"Dr. Garrett I am sorry. He just is tired and isn't feeling well."

"Jacob, you don't need to defend him. I bet he says those things to you all the time." I don't answer.

"Do you live with him?"

"Um yes. Well I live with my grandmother on her ranch so I can finish my degree and he mostly stays there also even though he has his own place. I'm used to it though. It's just how he is. He really is a good person though."

"You truly have a pure heart don't you?" I blush at this.

Dr. Garrett bows his head before sighing and looking towards the door that Jasper just stormed out of, shaking his head. "It's sad really, everything about him is just so corrupted and negatively possessed that he can't even have an ounce of respect to keep his comments to himself. His every emotion seems to be fueled by hate and anger. Hate and anger that he doesn't even understand himself, he doesn't seem to know_ why_ he does the things he does.

"Mr. Whitlock isn't an ignorant man; I could see that the very first time I met him. He knows he doesn't have to be this way and talk to people in such a manner, yet he does. In the end, he only has himself to blame for the hell he is in with himself. In him the planted seed of violence is deeply rooted, I fear he is going to die by it."

Dr. Garrett loses focus for a moment before I swear I hear him whisper _a tragic beauty_.

"Well Jake, you are going to need a lot of help getting around. In my opinion Mr. Whitlock is not the best choice in help and as I can clearly tell you are not related. You have the most beautiful dark skin by the way. My husband is also Indian, descendent of the Kiowa's' and you remind me of him; very beautiful indeed. Anyways, I can help you get set up with an in-home-out-home care nurse if you like."

Well I'll be damned, sexy doctor is married and he called me beautiful. I must have died and gone to heaven. No one has ever called me beautiful except for Paul and grandma. Paul once told me he loved walking into gay clubs with me because everyone envied him for having me on his arm. I never believed him though.

"Um thank you? No one has called me beautiful before. And yes, I guess that would be the best choice for me. Um… when will I be released?"

Garrett told me I would be leaving in two days time; he would set up a nurse for me and told me to get much needed rest. I called mama to tell her what happened and that I will be alright. She tried to come home but I told her to stay. Apparently Jasper has been keeping her informed.

Two days later and many fun visits from Dr. Cullen, who has made me laugh so hard I have become sorer. He truly is a nice person and even brought me pictures of his husband and their two little boys and little girl. They truly seem to be happy. He even had me put my number in his cell phone and his in mine so I could call him to hang out with him and his family when I was healed. In this short time I feel as though I have found my first real friend. He is such a deep person and I am able to hold profound conversations with him that I hate when he has to cut them short.

Mind you he only did all of this because he was no longer assigned to me as my doctor so he was able to do this.

"You now Jake, I would like you be your friend?" Garrett told me on my last day in the hospital.

"What really, you want to be friends with me?"

He laughs. "Of course I would like to be your friend."

"Well, I've never had a friend you would be my first. Are there things we should do or I should do to be friends, I mean isn't there some kind of code or something." I ask trying to figure out how a friendship works. I know it's different from having a relationship.

The so-called friendships I saw throughout school and college all seemed to be trivial friendships. There were friendships with ranks, some out of stereotypes, some for popularity, some because of beauty, others for money, and some were from fear.

I know I didn't want a friendship that consisted of those things. I wanted a healthy adult friendship and the things that came with it.

"Oh, Jacob, there aren't rules you follow in being someone's friend other than trying to have to respect for the other and be their whenever they need you if you can, and keep confessions between yourself and them if they ask it of you. Friendship, Jake, is a natural positive thing."

"You know how you feel comfortable around me and comfortable with telling me things and I, you. Well that is a part of a friendship with chemistry. It's natural, and most of the time easy with a lot of room for growth. Don't over think anything. Just be yourself as you have always been and I can assure you that I am always going to be my lewd ass self." He finishes with a hearty laugh and I join in with him because we both know sometimes he has no mental filter what-so-ever.

In the end though, I know he is right. All I ever wanted to do was be myself with someone who would give me a chance to do so. I just hoped he wasn't trying to fool me or anything. I really hoped he wasn't.

"Alright," I say with a smile." I want to be your friend also and hopefully Sam's."

"I am honored then to be the first friend you have and I hope best friend. You look like you need a family and there is something about you that makes you feel like family to me and I know Sam is dying to meet you since I always talk about you. He's a cryptic nut case of a person. Anyways, as I have told you he says you will be our blessing as we will be yours."

What he says truly touches my heart and all I can do is motion for him to come over to me so I can hug him then I whisper. "You don't know how much that means to me."

"I'm glad." Garrett says.

"Well, lets get you into the wheel chair your taxi well be here soon. And when I am off of work I'll come visit you tomorrow if I don't get called in."

Another thing I found out, well both Garrett and I discovered is that we don't live far from each other in the country hills. He and his family live about 20 minutes from the ranch.

Just as he is helping me up Jasper walks in, in all his sexy glory. I haven't seen him since the day he left and, if I am honest, I am happy and kind of have a tingly feeling that he is here. Yet, I am scared to death that he is here to be mean. My grip tightens on Garrett and he looks at me in confusion, studying my fear gazed expression he turns to look behind him still holding onto me. He turns back around focusing on putting me in the chair. After he has done that he turns to look at Jasper with a deep scowl on his face.

Jasper is extremely stoic and ridged and Garrett is...expectant?

The tension is as thick as thieves.

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_**Well there ya'll have it. Hope it was good. I love reviews so let me know the good and bad of the story since it's important that I try to improve in or any questions you may have. I will try my best to answer without giving anything away.**_

_**Teasers are offered. **_

_**-Jaspered01**_


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hello ya'll. I am sorry for the extra long AN, but many readers had questions that I wasn't able to all get to and many were the same question so I am going to kill two birds with one stone.**

**Now for IMPORTANT clarifications****:**

**A few people have asked me if the story will always be in Jacob's POV and the answer to that question is most definitely. This is his story and you will be seeing everyone he has some sort of relationship with through his eyes. I really think if I did it in anyone else's POV something would be lost about the story. And none of the characters so far has had a desire to speak to me and I highly doubt they will.**

**Another question I was presented with was about the dream. There is going be plenty of dreams throughout the story but they will not, at all, dominate the story. Though, I must say the dreams Jacob has with Seth are extremely important. **

**Also some have asked or really hinted that Jasper really is hiding his feelings that he has for Jake and that he really doesn't hate Jake. That people is not true, if Jasper is anything, he is honest about his feelings and emotions. He **_**is**_** disgusted by Jacob, he**_** does**_** hate Jacob for what he is, and Jasper **_**is**_** a racist and a homophobic. What Jasper told Jacob in chapter one after Jacob tired to give Jasper the plate of food was Jaspers' true feelings; he really believes what he is coming out of his own mouth is the truth. That is Jaspers' harsh reality. And this is the way I wanted Jasper to come off. **

**Now, for the last question I was asked is about Jacob's relationships when it comes to men. No, Jacob and Garrett will NOT be having an affair. One of my biggest pet peeves and something I truly despise is infidelity. If I can barley read a story that involves such a thing then there is no way I would be able to write it into my stories and do it justice. Something about the subject just gives me a sinking feeling.**

**Not beta-ed, any mistakes are my own.**

**WARNING: Coarse content- **_**very**_** offensive language.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing involving Twilight.**

**~JB~**

It's like butter at twenty degrees in temperature; the tension is melting way too slow. And I can feel I am the one accumulating the ice sickles. These two personalities that now stand before me are strong in well and deadly in venomous words. They are equals in their dislike and unequal's in their hate. I am not ignorant to my intuition in not seeing that Garrett strongly dislikes Jasper because Garrett once was Jasper at one point in his life. He has never confirmed my belief, but in his eyes, it's easy to see. Jasper is unequal to Garrett because Garrett is one of the things Jasper despises most in this world, and that is homosexuality. Garrett doesn't hate, he sympathize, acknowledges and tries to understand, as for Jasper, he simply hates. He hates what he doesn't even understand. Therefore, they are equal in their dislikes but so unequal in their hate.

Is one man better than the other, in all honestly I couldn't give an answer. Is one man better in bettering themselves? Definitely.

In this room, stuck between two forces, if I struck a match on either one of them, fire would blaze and in the end I would be the one to burn.

"Mr. Whitlock." Garrett says almost like he was expecting Jasper to show up, yet in an indifferent tone.

"I came here to pick up that _thing_, by the request of my grandmamma." Jasper says, emphasizing 'thing', as if I am no person at all; just another insignificant random object. And yeah, maybe he is right, I've hardly ever been addressed properly when someone draws attention to me, and half of the time I go unnoticed anyway, but when I am noticed, I am never given a name or specified in a formal nature; always in the manner of_ nothing_, of…insignificance.

Jasper hasn't called me anything I have not heard before, though this time, when I truly paid attention; he brought to light what I may have been in denial of or never wanted to see. That in fact, people who don't even know me, seem to perceive me of wasted pace, an item, a _thing _in the way. He has shown me I am nothing to them as I am nothing to the ones who know me, maybe Mama sees me the same way and just puts on a façade in front of me, and maybe Garrett is the same.

My own parents always looked through me, even…even my…my own brother started to see through me, they looked pass me as if they saw nothing of worth.

Perhaps only pity draws Mamma and Garrett to me, giving them some sort of obligation. If that is in fact the truth, I'll never bring it to light. I value what relationship I do have with those two people.

In the end, Jasper is right. I am a thing. Though I continue to strive for something of potential I am still harshly pushed back.

But what I can't figure out is, why? Why doesn't anyone truly want me? Why am I hated so much when I only see good in people. What about me makes the person who I am wrong? If I could change just for someone to genuinely love me, I would, I swear I would. Yet, I have no idea _what_ to change.

"Jake I can take you home if you like. Whatever you feel will be easier for you." I don't know what to do. Something is telling me to go but I am really scared of Jasper.

Garrett turns to look at me because he knows I don't know what to do and I am really confused. Garrett eyes tell a lot about him and right now, he is shifting major gears in his mind. Finally, deciding on something, he looks me square in my eyes.

"Jacob it would be easier for you to go with Mr. Whitlock." I look at him like he is crazy. Has he gone mad! He said himself that Jasper is a dickhead.

I start to shake because I am not sure what is going on.

"Garrett I…I… b..but … y.. you…" damn I can't even talk.

"It's ok Jake. Trust me when I tell you that everything well be just fine." He says as he lays a hand on my shoulder. He knows something I don't.

"Ok." I only agree because Garrett is my friend and he said it himself that friends should be able to trust each other and look out for one another. He is my friend so I'll do what he says.

"Mr. Whitlock, I trust that Jake will be well in your care. I will call to check in on him. And you better make damn sure he answers his cell phone when I call because I will personally show up at your home with my black belt husband if he doesn't answer on the third ring." He says firmly. The look in his eyes is truly frightening.

Jasper only narrows his eyes.

"I wouldn't take my words lightly Mr. Whitlock if I were you, don't let this jacket and badge fool you. I'm from the streets and I don't mind canceling _bitches_ out." Garrett calmly says, while saying the word 'bitches' looks Jasper up and down as if he is sizing up a weak man before him.

I see Jaspers' eyes darken at the threat before he laughs lightly in a mocking tone as he says, 'I wish you would fuckn' try'.

I don't even think I breathed throughout the whole exchange until we leave the room and people surround us.

As we make our way to Jaspers' truck, Garrett's pager goes off and he quickly takes my hand and tells me, "Jake faith, remember that." Odd. I just nod my head and he runs off.

Jasper pushes me the rest of the way and we make it to the passenger side. He opens the door and we just stare at each other because he is going to have to help me in the truck as I can't move at all.

Stiffly he says, "I'm gonna have ta tough you. I know one fuck'n thing, you betta keep your damn hands to yourself." I nod. He touches my arm.

"Holy shit!" Jasper yells and I make a loud yelp at the contact. It's not because he hurt my arm but it's because damn lighting felt like it crackled through my body making me feel extra high. Wait am I high? I don't remember taking any pain killers and judging by Jasper's face I am guessing he was affected to.

"You must be staticy." He tells me.

"Um yeah."

He touched my arm again and the same feeling happened but we don't vocalize anything. I can see Jasper clutching his teeth. Not because I am heavy but because he literally is fighting the urge to throw me away from his body. As he lifts me, my body starts to protest badly and I can't take it anymore.

I groan in pain and ask Jasper to please set me back down in the chair.

"I'm really sorry Jasper it just hurts so badly. I can still take the taxi. I don't want to burden you or anything."

"Look, don't worry about it. We are here now so stop the fucking bitching and man the fuck up. Its going to hurt so suck it up." He tells me as he lifts my whole body out of the chair and is holding me bridal style. The swift movement brings tears to my eyes.

Setting me down, Jasper buckles me up roughly and slams the door. As he makes his way to the driver's side he slides in gracefully. I turn my face away and try to dry my face and stop my shakes of pain.

"Look if your gon be cry'n the whole damn way to the house I can just get some duck tape a put it over your mouth. I do not want to be hear'n that whippy ass shit." He says a throaty tone

"I'm s-sorry."

The rest of the drive home is quite except when I got the call that my nurse wasn't going to be able to make it and they didn't have any replacement to come cover her. Great now what? After the phone call Jasper looks at me and frowns and I tell him I'll just get another nurse.

Making it home Jasper, once again bridal styles me out of the truck and into the chair. He asks me where I would like to go and I choose the living area for now. But soon I have a problem, a very big problem. I have to pee and bad, and I can't do it just sitting in a wheel chair. Jasper has all but disappeared to somewhere in the house. I don't want to call him for help and I am sure he is going to refuse anyway.

Gathering up all my strength I try to move myself from the couch into the wheel chair. In doing so I am grunting with effort and risking pulling on my stitches. I am not having any luck at all moving myself from the huge couch into the chair. I am panting and sweating and it feels as though I am about to pass out.

"What the fuck do you think ya fuck'n doing stupid ass." I turn to look in the living area door way to seeing Jasper and he looks like a damn red demon; very pissed.

I gulp and tell him.

" I … well … I um have to use the bathroom so I um…"

"Trying to fucking hurt yourself more. All you have to fuck'n do is open ya fuck'n mouth so I could have help you. I don't want Mamma com'in back n' bitch'n at me cos' her redskin faggot ass _boy_ can't help his own damn self. You can open that fuck'n mouth to suck a cock and let Lord knows what go down ya yuck mouth but not to call for help. Un-fuck'n believable." And he moves to help.

If these damn tears fall, for the love of all that is holy I am going to scream. I am so tired of him saying those things. I am so tired of _him_. I could never ever hate someone but Jasper is getting to the point where I just can't stand to be him anymore.

I'm just so… so… so…. mad. I don't want anything to do with him.

He moves to touch me.

"Do not fucking touch me!."

I scream at him and I flop back on the couch. He looks like I have hit him in the gut especially because I rarely curse. I don't care because I am so tired of him begin this way. As much as it pains me to say I don't want him touching me if he feels obligated in doing so.

"I don't want you to touch me or do anything for me. You have done enough and I thank you for your help but just leave me be." Taking a breath I feel a surge of courage that I have never in my life had before.

"You know I really don't understand you. I see a good person deep inside of you even through all the hurtful things you have said to me, the threats, and you having your friend beat me up, I have always thought more highly of you and thinking you can be a better person."

"I don't understand why you hate me, other than me being gay. I have never tried to make a move on you or anything. I just wanted to be your friend because I thought that was what we both needed. I have never in my life had a friend and I am guessing you haven't either. Those people that you call your friends aren't and I know you know it too."

"You know in a sense I look up to you. I admire your confidence, strength, beauty, loyalty, and intelligence among other things. I saw in you something that your "friends" are blindsided by. I have only been kind to you even though you have treated me like I wasn't even human. I'm used to that kind of treatment because most people that I have encountered think so little of me. But with all of that, I could never think little of you because you're just being yourself. I guess I can respect that."

"You have never given the pretense that you can be or want to be anything other than the person I have seen since I been here. You are who you are and I admire that, but one thing I don't admire is _what_ you are and what you seem to stand for.

"I'll be fine by myself. I don't need your help and I'll make sure I call around for someone to help me. But I thank you very much anyways Jasper."

This time I don't cry, this time I'm too shocked at what I have just said, and I am feeling a little numb. It's as if I can't feel my own body. Though I know it's there because of the pain. I feel something shifting inside of me as a very small surge of strength washes over my weakness.

Meanwhile Jasper is still half way into the living area door with a stunned look on his face and he almost looks pained as if he has seen the errors of his ways, which switches to pure madness.

But that is quickly squashed when I hear five words that sealed everything.

"Fuck you, you queer ass punk bushnigger."

Sometimes you just can't win.

**As always please do leave me some love in reviews. I like to hear your thoughts and if you have any questions, I'll try my best to answer them without giving much away.**

**Teasers are offered**

**Jaspered01 **


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Hello my loyal readers, first I want to start off to tell you that I have an entry in the QuickieContest, so I encourage you to go read and leave each author some love. They have some really beautiful 500 word stories.**

**Second, I hope I have given teasers to all reviewers, but people I can't do so if you don't sign in and most importantly I can't answer questions that you may have if you don't sign in, so please do so.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight**

**Warning: As always take heed to the warning.**

**I have no beta, so any mistakes are my own.**

***I'll meet ya'll at the bottom with father information.**

** ~JB~**

* * *

I am starting to think that maybe I got a little too bold. I feel a little fear sway through me but I decide not to pay it any attention because by God, I have to pee so badly.

I once again try to lift myself into the wheel chair but as I am doing so my hands slip on the leather due to the sweat on my hand, I start to realize my attempts are in vain with the sharp stomach to throat unsettling feeling I get when it dawns on me I am about the fall.

Once again I feel a pleasant and unnerving shock course through me, making me tingle almost and feel warm, _odd. _That is when I realize that I am being tightly and securely held in _Jasper's _arms. I look him in his face and I see nothing, something, and … and _everything._ Mostly importantly I think I see a step forward into the right direction for Jasper.

Such broken beauty.

That is when I also take note that the warm tingly feeling I feel is me pissing myself. I break from the spell Jasper has me under but he is still looking at me very intently, too intently.

"Um … oh God Jasper I am so sorry." Ok, he is scaring me, not only is he not saying anything to me about the pee, but the look in his eyes is growing more and more and I think he is even pulling me closer.

"Jasper." I say his name a little more forcibly.

Finally he breaks! "Yeah?"

"I uh I'm so sorry I just had an accident… on both of us." He looks down and sees the problem.

"Fuck." Is his only response, before striding off harshly with me in his arms into my bathroom, he not too gently sits me down upon the top of the toilet sit, steps backwards, looking at me expectantly.

"Jacob, look man I …" He stops himself. I think he was taking a step forward. Somewhere it was lost.

The contest of silence is uncomfortable and the cold pee is soaking my skin with its heavy aroma. Jasper just folds his arms across his chest.

"Don't you know how to take off your own damn cloths?" _A step back_.

I am about to answer but I was interrupted by my phone ringing.

"Jasper, could you please get that for me?" I ask as nicely as I could, almost pleadingly.

He comes back and hands me my phone.

I answered it, it was ambulatory care agency telling me that they had found an available nurse for my care but being that they lived two hours away from me they asked was it ok if their stay will be welcomed, I agreed because Dr. Garrett informed me that I would need all the around care since my muscles were so badly bruised rendering me unable to walk without assistance, I would also need someone to massage my muscles daily since they wouldn't be getting any movement, and that included my arm that felt like it was on fire, and not to go unmentioned someone to tend to my wounds and stitches. I agreed because I also didn't want that responsibly to be a burden on Jasper.

If I am honest, the main reason would be because I fear Jasper more now than I ever have. I don't think I could trust him, once maybe I did, though he never gave me a reason to. But now, the hate I see within him is undeniable.

When someone isn't afraid to show or speak on their beliefs and has had a background like Jaspers', then they aren't, at all, afraid to act on it.

If Jasper could, I honestly think he would.

No matter how much I felt connected to Jasper, I didn't want to take that chance.

They also informed my that the nurse was currently on her way and not ten minutes after the phone call and informing Jasper, who oddly still looked pissed, the doorbell rung and Jasper went to answer it.

I could hear their muffled voices and when the bathroom door opens, in walks a person I didn't except.

I male nurse, he was tall, about the same as Jaspers height just a little less. Extremely fit and firm, weirdest green eyes I have ever seen, my god I have seen those eyes before …. I know I have, he has colorful looking hair that can only be called bronze and it look as if the hair lived a life of its own, perfect face; narrow nose and high cheek bones and I very strong jaw line. I looked into his _familiar _eyes and he gives me a pearly white, breath taking smile and bowed my head looking away from him in embarrassment.

I heard him approach me and saw him kneel down in front of me between my legs. His finger went under my chin, lifting my face to connect my eyes. I saw and felt nothing I have before. For the first time ever I was extremely relaxed and almost felt a little at peace when he touched me and when I saw his familiar eyes staring back at me I saw _acceptance. _

And that feeling I had when Jasper first touched me, the lighting, it was happening between Edward and I. The lightening feeling was no more or no less than what I felt from Jasper, it was oddly balanced and equal. Both of our breaths hitched. He felt it to.

Then he spoke in his creamy milk chocolate voice with a hint of the oldest and rarest red wine. It was sexy.

"Hello there, I'm Edward."

As he speaks, once again I am drawn to those eyes, I _know _those eyes. Then I remember that he was just introducing himself I compose myself to do the same.

"H-hey, h-ello, um I'm uh… Jacob. If you like y-you can c-call me Jake. Uh… yeah, Jake." I feel like a complete idiot at the moment and even though I may have dark skin, I am very sure he can see the red in my face.

He smiles in the most beautiful way and he doesn't even acknowledge my embarrassment when he holds out his hand stating it was nice to meet me. In that moment, once again, I felt the burning sea of blazing currents, and again I see he noticed it too for a frown graces his masculine features.

Composing himself, "Well it will seem that you were preparing for a bath." He states as an observation.

I hope my speech has regained itself, "Uh, yes. Jasper was helping me because I uh, well ummm…. I had a bit of an accident where I couldn't get to restroom in time." I speak in shame.

"That is quiet alright, it happens," then he turns to Jasper "Mr. Whitlock, I can handle it from here if that is ok with you?" Jasper nods stiffly. I see a change in him again and I see his continuation of his step backwards. As he turns to leave I call after him in which he looks at me in a stoic manner, I internally cringe.

"Hey um, Jasper thank you for your help, I appreciate it."

He looks everywhere but me. "Yeah, whatever."

I can't let him close me out now when I saw such hope for progress.

"Are you staying here tonight?"

He sighs and he looks like he is starting to get frustrated. "Why?"

"I uh, was just wondering if we could maybe order a pizza and watch the game?"

"Don't fuck'n think so." The hate is back.

" O…" is the only word I can get out because it really hurts for me to see him pulling up his walls again, even if I only saw a small brick fall down from his wall.

Once again, there was silence. Then something snapped like a fragile twig, sounding out throughout the room.

"Another fuck'n thing," he looks at Edward, "you should know he likes it up the ass and if you happen to like the same thing, I should tell you now that I ain't hav'n that kina shit in this house."

Edward just watches Jasper with a …amused yet unfazed expression on his face?

" First and foremost Mr. Whitlock, I am assuming that this is not your house given Jacob's question for you earlier, which also means that I can tell you whatever I want without the risk of disrespecting you under your own roof. So I'll tell you this, grow the fuck up Mr. Whitlock. The entire name calling is very childish, disrespectful and most of all makes you look like an ignorant hick. Second, it was much uncalled for; Jake asked you a simple question. You could have just said no."

"Third, you probably should know that I also ' like it up the ass' as you so elegantly stated. There is no reason you should treat him in such a manner and from what I can tell this is nothing new and probably a lot worse than when you're not around others. And lastly, I highly advise you to watch what you say around me or how you speak to me. Trust me when I tell you I don't take that kind of disrespect from no one, I also must warn you that I can hold my own very well.

"Now, I do not mean to come off as confrontational but I do not and will not tolerate this kind of disrespect when I am only here to assist in helping someone who is otherwise unable to help themselves." Edwards ends firmly completely standing his ground.

Jasper looks beyond frustrated; with himself or the situation I am not sure. Then I see him turn sideways making one of his shoulders face us, he lifts up his shirt sleeve enough for us to see the deadly looking tattoo on his arm; his gang tattoo. Jasper brings his other hand across his chest to reach his tattooed arm and taps two fingers against the tattoo and a deadly smirk shows over his face. The whole action screamed as a warning for Edward to watch his mouth and to know his place.

The tattoos, I distantly recognize. It was the known prison gang tattoo, the Texas Aryan Brotherhood. It had an eagle clutching the confederate flag and within the flag had the Texas shield that was split between three parts; one part held the letters AB for Aryan Brotherhood, the second part held the Nazi swastika, the third bottom part of the split shield held the two lightning bolts, and at the bottom of the tattoo was the word Texas.

I had no idea…

I turn my attention to Edward because I know what the movement means, he has threatened Edward.

I remember reading somewhere that when one gang member turns his shoulder to a rivaling gang or anyone in general they are threatened buy and pulls up where their shirt is covering their gang sign and taps the tattoo twice, that is a threatening jester telling the offender not to mess with the gang member who has tapped his tattoo and to watch their back.

Fear starts to build up in me for what is to come. Staring at Edwards's face he has his eyes narrowed at Jasper then his expression softens to …. pity?

"You can leave that life you know, trust me when I tell you it is not worth it at all." His velvet voice smoothes out over the words I can also tell that he is trying to diffuse the issue, not out of fear but it would seem out of concern?

Edwards turns to look at me and I am sure he can see the sheer panic and fear in my face. He simply places his hand carefully on my shoulder and I immediately calm down a few pegs.

Jasper removes his hand from his sleeve shirt, letting it fall over the tattoo and he simply turns to leave without another word. Edward sighs and turns his attention back to me, giving me a sympathetic smile, I return it nervously.

"I already knew what he was and I knew I had to stand my ground. I really didn't like the way he was treating you, though wasn't he going to help you take a bath?"

"I honestly don't know, I don't understand what I did. He was coming around just a tiny, tiny bit, now… he has taken a huge step backwards."

"Jacob you didn't do anything wrong. I can tell just from this short amount of time that you are a good person. You don't deserve that kind of treatment."

"Thanks very much. Oh and thank you for standing up for me. So you don't mind that I am uh… gay. If so I understand."

"You're welcome and trust me I don't mind at all that your gay." He says winking at me, in which I in return blush.

"So how about we get you up and settled in, you must be tired and sore."

"Yes that sounds great and I am very extremely sore. I think my muscles are starting to cramp up."

"Ok now this is going to hurt as I take the rest of your cloths but the hot water well help with the cramps and I'll massage your muscles. Have you taken any pain killers yet?"

"No, I'm waiting till when I'm ready for bed."

"Fair enough, you're really going to need them." He says as he reaches to unbuckle my belt and I flinch back because the movement is so foreign to me especially when a stranger is doing it. Edward jumps back slightly by my reaction with a pained look on his face.

"I'm sorry I should have asked you permission first but I promise you I will not hurt you in any kind of way."

Instantly I feel terrible for making him feel as though he did something wrong and on top of that I really don't want to tell him that I am not used to other people unbuttoning my pants for me.

To me, it is embarrassing admitting that I am a freak of a virgin who hasn't even been kissed.

"It …it … its fine. It's just no one has ever unbutton my pants for me and the gesture is just foreign to me." Fuck, I just said that out loud!

"Oh god … oh god … oh god…" I chant over and over again to myself as I proceed to shield myself with my arms, but as I do so, I scream in pain as I am pulling against my stitches.

I then feel Edward's hands on my shoulder and the blazing current skipping back and forth between us.

"Hey now," he coos to me. "it's alright, there is no need to be embarrassed about that, ok?"

I muffle out an ok looking at Edward over the rim of my glasses.

"How old are you?'

" Almost 23." I say even more embarrassed because of my age.

"You still have no reason to be embarrassed. Hey look at me."

I comply.

"There just hasn't been anyone special enough sent to you for you to give them that. It is not something to be ashamed of, you should take pride in having it still with you because when the day does come it will make it all the more special with someone whom you trust and love."

" Re… really?"

"Yes, really. Now, I am going to make the appropriate preparations for now and after your bath." He says walking around the bathroom, checking the water and going into my bedroom with a couple towels in his hands. I am guessing to lay them on the bed.

He comes back and asks to proceed with taking my clothing off. I nod my head. Edward starts to unbuckle my belt, sliding it through the hoops, and then works his way to my button and zipper. So many fantasies are running through my head and I am trying my best to not to get an erection, but I can't help it. My body has never had another so close to it or doing something that is so intimate. I don't know what the heck to do.

I am positive once he takes off my jeans and boxers then he will surly see my semi and freak out. Please something take away this semi. Having him in such a close proximity, add his very intoxicating smell, which is not helping my problem what-so-ever.

"I know it's going to hurt but I need you to hook your arms around my neck to support a little of your weight, I'll be supporting most of it but I am going to need you to stand up so I can pull your jeans down." _No,no,no,no,no. This is not happing._

I let out a whimper and Edward looks at me slightly confused and also in understanding. By this time my semi has not let up at all and is only getting harder.

" O… ook" I say avoiding his eyes. Edward bends, hovering over me so I can put my arm around him, helping me with my other stitched arms - I can't make it up far. He throws his arm around my aching back gently to help me up while I support my weight on his shoulder.

I groan, whimper, and pant in pain and aching for both my body and my almost erection. He slides my jeans and boxers all the way down and my cock springs free poking Edward's thigh. Seriously kill my now.

Edward turns his face sharply to me and looks at me with a weird expression. He licks his lips and, if I didn't know better, I think he groaned.

Panicking I start to stutter an excuse. " Oh Ed….. ward. I'm … I uh ummm I am s-sssory, I am so sorry. Ple .."

" Hey calm down. It's alright, I am aware you didn't mean any harm by it." He states in a slightly altered tone.

"It is natural. It is bound to happen every once in a while," he then looks down and finishes in a mumbled voice I am sure I am not meant to hear, "this _very _big and hard problem you have."

Will fuck me rough and swallow all my cum. I think the man nurse is hitting on me; then again I am always wrong about those kinds of things. So I just let it be.

We just continue to stare each other in the eyes when the air switches from my sexual tension for him to something slower and more appealing in nature, like a realization of sorts and I think it hits him as well.

My knees buckle from under me and Edward sits me back on the toilet.

He stares me deep into my eyes and says "I'll take care of you." In those few words he has said so much I know he didn't mean my problem below the belt, he meant something more serious.

The only thing I can do is shake my head ok. I don't want my voice to betray how frighten I am by what is going on between us.

Thank God my erection is going away after our stare down. "Come on lets get you in the bath." He lifts me up bridle style and puts me in the steaming bath water. It feels so good against my sore and bruised muscles.

Edward begins to spread the hot water over my aching body. Wetting the wash cloth and spreading body wash on it, he starts cleansing my body in a caring and gentle way. My head falls back against the back couching of the claw tub.

"Jacob," Edward says and I turn to give him my attention, "I know this isn't the best time for you, and we just met but I really think we have a connection. Would it be possible for us to start off as friends and get to know each other better? I will be here anyways helping you so that gives us a huge step. I understand if the situation is awkward but sometimes things like this are and honestly if you think about it it's completely natural and it's happening like is it supposed to. So what do you say?"

I can't believe my eyes. SETH, did you hear that?

"Really, you really want to get to know me better?" I ask him completely stunned.

"Yes, I really would. We can go at normal pace and just let things happen as they may. There is nothing to rush. If I am guessing right this is your first time really having a friend like this and I am honored to be the first person to truly get to know the real person you are and hopefully build something between us."

" But … but I don't know what to do and I …" Then I remember what Garrett said.

"Hey, that is perfectly ok. When people go into things like this they are not pros at it even though they might think they are. Just do what feels right to you and I will do the same. Jacob, there is nothing to rush, it's just a friendship, let everything around us be natural. You are healing so that gives us time to get to know each other."

"I promise I want rush you into anything." He ends with such convention and sincerity and something is telling me to not let this go. I would be a huge fool to do so.

"Ok I think its worth a try. So how do we do this?"

He gives me a brilliant smile. "Remember what I said about it being natural? So we won't rush it and it will come to us. It's not always going to be easy but I also have a feeling that you are very worth it." He says continuing to gently wash my body. The water is really relaxing, especially since his care is so calming.

"You're my second friend. My first attending doctor who treated me also asked if he could be my friend. I think he should be calling later on tonight to see how I am doing. I hope he does."

Edward just gives me a smile and continues to wash me.

" Do... do you mind if I ask you some questions?" I feel so stupid asking something like that.

Edward eyes brighten " Of course not. It's all part of getting to know each other. Natural flow remember?"

He is the first person who doesn't make me feel like a completely socially awkward idiot, everything is so easy for him and with him.

"Yeah sorry, I'll get it soon enough. So how old are you?"

"Actually, I just turned 27 yesterday."

"Wow! Really 27, well don't get me wrong you look like you're in your 20's but you have an air of wisdom and maturity about you that a person only develops in their older years so in a sense that makes you seem a little older than what you actually are. Please don't take offense to that because you're very good looking …. Well um you're pretty beautiful actually, in a very manly way if that makes sense. God I am making a complete and utter fool of myself aren't I?"

Lightly laughing "Well it is nice to hear I look my age, but I guess to your second statement I would say I have had my fair share of experiences that I have learned a lot from. I am still learning but when you tire of certain things it changes you and makes you older in a way. Jacob, don't see yourself as an idiot or awkward you are just saying what is on your mind and that is all anyone can ask for and trust me I didn't take offense to anything you said. Thank you, honestly it's nice to hear a comment like that and not have someone saying it because they want more from you. It's actually genuine; I think you are beautiful as well."

"Um, no I'm not, you really don't have to compliment me because I did you." I say bowing my head in shame and trying to hide away my disgusting face.

Edward brings his finger under my chin and forces me to look at him. His face is wearing disbelief, sadness, and a little anger.

"Jacob, you listen to me and you better listen damn well. You are a beautiful man, and sexy as fuck, matter of fact you and Jasper are very much in the same league, both of you are like damn walking orgasms. From your silky midnight hair, bright honey golden brown eyes, plump lips, fine ass body, gorgeous russet brown skin that us white people try like hell to achieve and well… I am just going to be blunt, your dick is like a flesh of euphoric highs waiting to happen, and any man would kill to sit on that cock. And trust me when I say your cock is not meant for someone who is unwilling to take every, what is it, 8 ½ inches? In short Jacob you are a beautiful being inside and out, both are on equal levels."

Right now I am putting Shirley Temple to shame with all the red I am sporting. But honestly I can't help nothing but feel good by his words. When you haven't heard something like that, yes they are hard to believe but you really take those words to heart and it makes you feel very warm inside. Still I am also really taken back by them.

" Do…do you re-really think I am beautiful."

"I don't think, I know you're a beautiful handsome man. Nothing girly about you" He says with his eyes piercing mine and challenging me to say otherwise.

" E…ev…even my …uhm, you now." I nod my head towards my privates.

Edward smiles and licks his lips.

_That is an odd reaction _I think to myself.

"Oh yes that is worship worthy; very beautifully thick, long, completely all man."

"Thanks Edward."

"You are very much welcome."

Trying to break the awkward topic I put myself into, I switch the subject back to our pervious conversation

"And I completely understand what you mean by feeling older than what you really are."

"I figured as much. You know I could say the same for you too Jacob, its cliché but your eyes and facial expression give some of your hardships away. Of course you still look every bit of a young 23 year old but I _see you_."

He _sees me;_ no one has ever taken the time to _see me_. I am so overwhelmed with such a simple statement that speaks volumes that a tear runs down my face. I know Edward can see them but he decides to leave me in my thoughts and for that I am grateful. With that, our conversations end for the night, right now both of us need to me left alone in our own minds.

Edward finishes washing me and brings me into my bedroom to lay me flat on my back on the bed. He is even nice enough to drape a towel over to private parts as he dry's me off.

I focus on Edward with those familiar eyes as he dresses me and gives me my pain killers. I am so tired by this time I start to drift off to sleep, he truly is amazing. He doesn't make fun of me or think any less of me for what I am or that I am a 23 and haven't been intimate like others would. He is oddly comforting to be with, it's like he was sent to me as a _gift _and something is screaming inside of me that I shouldn't let it go; _him _go.

Yes, I understand that it is fast but I see the chance of happiness and I will not let it go, Edward said it himself that some things are natural, meant to be, we should take it slow and go with it. I could be happy with just beings friends with him.

I start to nod off; everything is becoming hazy and dark.

My dream is coming to me and Seth is waiting for me.

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**As always please do leave me some love in reviews. I like to hear your thoughts and if you have any questions, I'll try my best to answer them without giving much away.**

**Teasers are offered for reviews.**

**Jaspered01 **

**Also I have pictures up on my profile showing the inspiration of Jaspers tattoo and the gang that is inspiring my characterization for Jasper. It is a very real gang especially in Texas and the prisons of Texas. I am by no means trying to glamorize this gang by making a very popular FanFiction character and Twilight character that I associated with this gang. This gang and gangs in general are pests to society and just shows the ignorance in culture and human kind. Jasper actions should speak volumes in what I trying to show in his character.**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Hello, my loyal readers. I must say ya'll have been great when it comes to this story and some of ya'll, if I am honest, have not been too happy. Like always, before every chapter I warn you of the subject matter you are about you read, so really it's your own fault. **

**I must admit that I am pretty happy with this chapter, especially some of the emotions going on within it. If you feel the same, you know what to do. Just leave me a review to let me know what you think.**

**It's a short chapter but I still think it does some justice. **

**Any mistakes are my own. I must thank ya'll for not complaining much about the mistakes because I have gone back over the story to see there are a great bit. So thanks for that and I'll do what I can with corrections. If someone wants to go over them for me and maybe pre-read just let me know in a message.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight**

**Warning: Subject content**

**~JB~**

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_I see Seth sitting by the river bank waiting for me, the light from the moon glistens on the calm river water front, giving it a beautiful glow. He gives me a small smile and turns his attention back to the wild horses running over the hill tops; the moon shows the outline of the horses with their silky hair flowing with the breezes._

_This place that he is in never ceases to amaze me with its beauty and when I am walking it's as if I am not walking at all but floating, yet I can clearly see my feet touch and feel the smooth earth underneath my bare feet._

_The moonlight gave everything a hunting and fragile serenity; it's a place for only a select few. As I make my way to my brother, I run my fingers through the waist length grass, basking in the sharp gentleness of the grass blades. Looking up I see misty clouds overlapping each other covering the moon only slightly._

_Reaching Seth and setting beside him I don't speak a word just yet, for there is no need to. The only need right now is to enjoy what is in our presence, appreciating the peace of forever, fulfillment, happiness this enigma of a land offers, and opening our ears to the serenations of unknown sounds around us. _

_Yes, right now in this moment it would be a sin to speak and not feel the ambiance._

"_I__ felt you needed me…. and here you are." Seth says turning to his body towards me so we are facing each other._

"_I__ had a feeling home was calling …"_

"_Yes__, yes I was." _

"_I'm lost, Seth. I can feel myself starting to slip."_

"_Seth, I don't want to be lost anymore. I..I just want peace in what seems this lifetime of war. I..I just want to stay here with you. Please."_

"_Jacob, you can't, you just can't."_

_He sighs with his expression turning deadly serious. I knew I should be listening intently to whatever he is going to be saying._

"_Jacob__, your heart will never ever lead you astray. Something's … are just meant to be and some choices are meant to be hard to choose from. Right now though, heal, I just don't mean for you to heal physically …. ." I understand what he is saying._

_I lower my eyes from Seth and pounder what he is saying to me._

_I am cover come by a feeling that I have tried to lay it dormant for so long. It's a wrong feeling, it's a dirty feeling, it's a powerful, yet dreading feeling. I hate it. I can feel myself getting lost in its storm. _

_It's thunderous like an earthquake. _

"_Brother, I know what you hid. You hid it well." Seth speaks, breaking me out of the trans. I look at him quizzically, trying to decipher what he is talking about. _

"_You have a lot of anger in you Jacob. It's understandable. It's your determination. You don't show it. You hid it and you're extremely well at doing so. That act is going to kill you…bring you down deep to where you'll never come back."_

"_Seth I…" I know he is telling to truth. I know its happening. I've never dealt with it before._

"_No, listen to me, brother."_

"_Jacob, don't let it take over who you are. Please, brother, don't let it make you like one of _them_. Try not to be that and leave that bitterness in someone else's cup."_

_I wrap myself in my arms, trying to hold myself together as I sob out, "I know it is, Seth. I can feel it. I don't know what to do. I'm lost, please, tell me what to do."_

_Seth holds me and covers me in his serenity; whispering melodies of calming words._

"_I__ don't have much more time where I will be coming to you." I grip him harder as he says this. _

"_Soon you are going to have to figure things out on your own and take the advice and guidance you have been given and use it. But please use it well."_

"_I can't tell you exactly how to find your way. I can give you a hand, but I can't carry you. Your self- journey is for you and you alone. Just like when our ancestors before us went on self-discoveries, you'll be doing the same in a way. But your next journey you want be alone, in that path you're going to have to open up your heart and help whoever asks for your help."_

"_Strength and will power will be your best friends; take advantage. I know you are scared but it comes along with the territory and you're going to have to overpower that fear. Don't let whatever fear you have, whatever form it maybe in or who gives you that fear, stop you." _

"_Seth…" I look at him confused._

"_Listen". He tells me._

"_Remember- once you are fully healed everything you have in you is going to be needed to overcome the approaching storm."_

_This immediately scares me, " But Seth what …."_

"_I can't answer that brother. Things in our life happen for a reason others are just … well … simply _natural …"

"_Natural?" the word seemed so oddly close to me. It may be strange to say but the word was almost … comforting? _

"_Yes brother, _natural_. Fate and forces are a very … funny thing," Seth chuckles out. "They both can lead to the most unexpected outcomes." He smiles with a smirk, looking at me with what seems hope. I am guessing that hope is for me._

"_Ok, Seth, but what is that supposed to mean, "Fate and forces are a funny thing" and this natural stuff?" I ask._

_I'll say this Jacob; we can't help who we love and sometimes we love in a way that isn't fully understood by others or ourselves for that matter and I am not just talking about the obvious. Love isn't always meant to be felt or received by just one single person." _

_At this point I am completely confused, I know what he means about the obvious (gay) but the other cryptic stuff just has me utterly flummoxed. _

"_Seth please you are confusing me what …"_

"_I am sorry brother but that is all I can say right now… it's time for you to go home."_

_Panic sets within me. I need him right now; I don't want to leave this place of peace or my brother. The only real love and friend I have ever known._

"_Seth, please wait. I want to stay with you just a little while longer. Please I am begging you, I miss you." I cry out clutching on to Seth with an iron grip._

"_Jake I'm sorry brother but it's time for you to go; their calling you home." Seth says looking away from me._

"_I don't care who is calling me, I swear I don't. I just want time with you."_

"_There're calling." He says again._

"_Who…" before I could get another word out and follow his gaze I hear two wolves howling to the moon. Their calls are overlapped together, still though; I can make out each call of the two wolves. There're howling turns to growls of impatience as they pace back and forth between themselves. I can distantly make out the two moonlighted animals; one wolf is obviously bigger and more muscular than the other, even in the slight shadiness, I can see he is pitch black, so black, blue stands out in his dark fur coat. His teeth are large and menacing as his face bares uneasiness about him; his expression is of possessiveness and hunger. The black wolfs whole body language shows dominance as every muscle visibly triples under its skin._

_He makes you _want_ to be protected by him._

_In contrast to the black wolf, this reddish coppery wolf has a calmness about him, yet something about the wolf shows understanding and a flaming temper under his seemingly serenity. This wolf is longer and leaner than the black wolf, its muscles twitch and move with a natural gracefulness, auras of experience of the unknown surrounds the body of the wolf giving his young body the semblance of a wolf twice his age. _

_He makes you _want_ to know him._

_They are so close I can see their glowing eyes as the moon shines on them and I see_….

_I feel Seth grab me into a fierce hug before I can make out the other colors. "Go." He says before I hear the wolves howl once again ….. I go._

I awake to a gloomy morning. A morning that can be meant for peace with dark clouds such as the ones out my window, but it's a morning that is not going to yield such a feeling. I can see the skies are hatful and dreary in their mood. It's a morning which is a cross between night and sunrise. Clearly, darkness has won for the day.

In the distance I hear lyrics, a voice of an unseen performance; a smooth, earthy, with a strong hint of southern bluesy sound; its powerful, but the person is singing in a way that is slightly not understandable which adds more to the intensity of it, this person has a deep throaty kind- of raspy voice.

It's madding.

It's alluring.

It's depressing.

It's angering.

Its' saddening.

It's hate.

It's sorry.

It's deteriorating, not the voice, but the soul crying the words.

Its…it's what _I_ feel.

I just stay lying on my bed, not moving, just listening.

_You abandoned me  
Love don't live here anymore  
Just a vacancy  
Love don't live here anymore  
_

_When you lived inside of me  
There was nothing I could conceive  
That you wouldn't do for me  
Trouble seemed so far away  
You changed that right away, babe_

_You abandoned me  
Love don't live here anymore  
Just a vacancy  
Love don't live here anymore_

Love don't live here anymore  
Just emptiness and memories  
Of what we had before  
You went away  
Found another place to stay, another home

Many would think the person singing this song was talking about a relationship gone wrong; their partner hurt them to the point where all potential love for them is lost. This is not the case of this voice. The person seems to sing of love they no longer have for themselves, their very being just wasting away mentally and psychically. They are just a vacancy within themselves. Memoires hurt them of the betrayal they have received from everyone they have encountered, the abandonment of ones they needed the most, the abandonment for _themselves_. Hollowness has spread throughout this voices soul. The voice sings in madness, pride of declaring what they feel, the undertone of envyness they feel for_ not_ feeling at all. Rage fuels the voice; just a lonely lost star.

The soul laces the lyrics with a masquerade of mendacity; it's in pain but refuses to show it.

The voice is just a hurt soul dying in an unseen performance.

Something very near me starts to vibrate annoyingly, I know it's my phone but I don't want to break away from the guitar strummed song and the voice singing its death. I wonder which of the men within this house is the person behind the voice. I notice my phone stops vibrating, then starts up again. Reluctantly, I reach with my good arm in search of my phone, finding it; I heed no attention to who is the caller. I simply answer.

"Hello." I answer in my sleep laced voice.

"Yeah, do you know Jacob Black?" The familiar voice asks but I can't put a figure on where I know it from. I can't even decide wither it's a female or male.

"This is he. May I ask who I am speaking with?"

The voice huffs out in annoyances, "Jake, baby it's me."

"I'm sorry, I don't know..."

"It's your mother Jacob."

_The cold to your storm, Jake_.

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****AN: Well there you have it folks. I hope y'all like it; leave me some love in reviews to let me know the good and bad or just to rant.**

**The song that the mysterious person was singing was Dallas Greens' version of _Love Don't Live Here Anymore_. **

**Here is the link: .com/watch?v=uVaA81Gl9xM **

**Teasers are offered for reviews**

**~Jaspered01 **


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